Short: Aziz vs. Earning Respect In Prison

Hey you know one thing that isn't really mentioned that often is that, well, even though Aziz could do a cartwheel while holding two machine guns or hmm…maybe even two tommy guns, yes two tommy guns, and then while he is doing the cartwheel, he could shoot and kill Al Capone right in the throat while still being upside down in mid-fucking-air, even though he can do all that, lets be honest Abe here okay? Aziz is not that big a guy. So here. Pretend you see Aziz from behind and you're like fifteen yards away and you don't know it is Aziz.

You wouldn't be scared, right? You would think to yourself, "Guess what? I could put that guy in a viceroy headlock to impress my girlfriend." You would think that, right? Well news flash: You are speeding on the Getting Killed by Aziz Freeway and thoughts like that will make him pull you over metaphorically and blow up your car.

Except in real life, you are the car.

Yes. You would be as good as dead if you thought that. I mean, you don't know! You don't even know. Maybe Aziz is wearing a mind-reading helmet and after reading your thoughts he will decide your headlock threat is cause for heart detachment. How do you know he doesn't have one of those helmets? What is your vision like 20/a million or something? I said you saw him from far away and from behind. From that far away, who knows what that hat is?

But come on. This is a hypothetical situation okay? How about we just pretend. We won't really think Aziz isn't dangerous, but we'll pretend. Fuck no. It is too dangerous even to pretend.

Here is my point: Let's say Aziz goes to jail because he follows his own laws. How would inmates react to him? I mean, there are some prisoners who are like over seven feet tall probably. And also probably, some have tattoos that they gave themselves that say things like, "Criminal Material" and under the words there's a tattooed picture of a bug-eyed devil with his tongue hanging out and he's doing the Starbucks mermaid.
That is pretty tough and come on pretty cavalier too, to have a tattoo like that, and so maybe the inmates wouldn't realize how dangerous Aziz is since he doesn't have one yet. And I kind of pity them because seriously: there's like this whole prison of prisoners and they'd all be thinking that the toughest guy in jail is Mr. Bloodmaker 3000. Well yes that is foolish but they would not even know about Aziz because they are criminals and enjoy breaking laws instead of learning about modern heroes. You know what I would like to see? Yes that is right.

And plus I want to see the time where Aziz is all pensive in the prison yard and then Mr. Bloodmaker 3000 comes up to him with a makeshived knife and he's all, "Aziz, guess what: It is time to pay the piper. This prison be MY prison!" But Aziz would take control of Mr. Bloodmaker 3000's arm and even though it's the size of like a tree stump, he'd turn it towards Mr. Bloodmaker 3000's eye and make him stab himself through the brain.

"You're (sic) prison, Miss Bloodmaker 3000?!" Aziz would ask the eye-stabbed face, "What about the rest of the taxpayers?!" And Aziz would have a point because google it, prisons are paid for with the tax money of everyday citizens.

What a scene, right? Some big prisoner unvoluntarily stabbing himself in the eye? That kind of scene would stick with you and come on: so would its message.