There's more, too

My brother brought up an interesting point yesterday. Here's what it was: What if Aziz was a Roman Gladiator and he was forced to fight battles every day to entertain rich Romans like in that movie Gladiator? Good point, Steve. I thought about this for a long time, and here's what I realized: Aziz Ansari would indeed kick the living shit out of any Peabody Joe Shmoe Gladiator he came up against. Already we have proven that Aziz would straight up murder an Anaconda snake and then use it's blood for camouflage. Is being fighting a gladiator really that much different? The Anaconda has pointed fangs,squeeziness, and venom as it's weapons, and get this: in a Roman Coliseum the pointed fangs would be the opposing gladiators sword, the Anaconda's death squeeze would translate into a super tight back-breaking bear hug of a tricky warrior, and the venom is like maybe the other guys have venom on their swords. My point is this: Hey, obviously Aziz would be able to defeat the battle part of Gladiating. But what about the politics? In the movie a la Russel Crowe, politics played a big part. What if an emperor told Aziz to kill an opponent and Aziz didn't want to? Take into account how fucking baddass Aziz is when you think about this, and here's what you'll come up with. If Aziz was told to kill someone by an emperor and he didn't want to kill that person, first, he'd flip off the emperor. "Yeah, that's right, emp-o-nater. I'm talkin' to you! Fuck you!" Then, the emperor would see the anger in Aziz's eyes, and he'd like run. Aziz would pick up his boomerang, throw it at the emperor, and knock him down. Then, just to show how he doesn't bow down to no one cause of how bad he is etc, he'd likely take a dump on the emperor's chest. The crowd would be grossed out at first, but then they'd see what it symbolized, and they'd start cheering and stop all of their heathenry.